Yesss! How sex gets even better for women over 40
Forget what you've heard. Your best sex life starts now.
What if I told you that sex after 40 could be the best you’ve ever had?
While the world tries to convince us we're past our prime, it’s funny how many of us are having a sexual awakening that would make our younger selves blush.
The other day, a friend told me, “You know, I used to be such a prude in my 20s and 30s!”
While I was never a shrinking violet, I can say that both of us — now 50 — have only begun to let our freak flags fly high starting in our 40s!
So, what’s the key to this sexual rebirth?
One word: confidence.
Meow.
Smoldering confidence: Our midlife advantage
By midlife, we're done with the bullshit insecurities of our 20s and 30s.
We're more accepting of who we are and the bodies we're in, and that’s both sexy and empowering.
We've lived in these bodies through everything — babies, illnesses, size changes — and now, gravity, aging, and menopause.
After years of trying to ‘fix’ them, we've finally embraced the idea that our bodies have their own beauty and unique qualities that deserve love and respect, not fighting.
Now, we appreciate our bodies for what they do, not just how they look — they’re truly magnificent!
And when it comes to the bedroom arts, we’ve got years of practice under our belts and know what works and what doesn’t with our bodies and our pleasure.
We’ve stopped faking it to stroke fragile egos who were as clueless as we were. The only stroking we do now is for genuine self and mutual sexual satisfaction.
By now, we’ve mapped out our bodies like seasoned explorers. We know all the places and all the ways that feel good and exactly how we like things done.
And let's not forget the freedom of caring less about what others think and more about what we want and how we feel. That confidence translates into the bedroom, too.
Years of relationship experience have also given us emotional maturity. We know our needs, how to communicate them, and how to create deeper connections.
So, after all we’ve been through, we’ve proudly earned the right to take charge of our pleasure and explore our desires head-on.
How does confidence in midlife translate to seriously good sex?
We know what we want and won’t settle for less
We’re done with bad sex. No matter how attractive or impressive a potential partner is, if the sexual chemistry isn’t there, it’s a no-go. When we were younger, we might have tolerated sexual incompatibility for other qualities. Not anymore — life’s too short!
We’re more vocal about our pleasure
Yes, we’re louder and prouder about what feels good. Confidence makes us unafraid to communicate our needs and guide our partners to hit the right spots. We take control of our pleasure and make sure our needs are met.
We’re open to new experiences
Confidence invites curiosity. Whether it’s a new toy, a fun position, or that secret fantasy we’ve been holding onto, we’re less held back by insecurity. Sex is how adults play, and our playground is only as vast as our imagination!
We’ve ditched the performance
Remember the pressure in our younger, doe-eyed days to fake it to please our partner or not to hurt their feelings? We performed at the expense of genuine excitement. No more method acting to fit into someone else’s selfish script. We only do what truly lights us up for mutual pleasure, and we choose partners who respect and want that, too.
Body acceptance is our power
All those so-called ‘flaws’ we used to worry about? Our lovers don’t even notice. We know there’s no such thing as a perfect body, and the confidence that comes with owning ours makes sex that much better.
Emotional maturity is a game-changer
We’ve been through enough life experiences to understand real intimacy. Good communication, trust, and vulnerability lead to better relationships — and, of course, better sex.'
Sexual Confidence Building 101 for those still finding their stride
Just because we’re in the same age group doesn’t mean we’re all in the same place.
Not quite feeling like the sexual goddess you were meant to be?
Here’s how to unlock your inner vixen.
Reframe your self-talk
Treat yourself like your own lover. Would you tell your lover they’re too old or not sexy enough? Hell no. Give yourself that same adoration.
Cultivate a pleasure practice
Whether it's a pretty lingerie set that makes you feel sensuous under your everyday clothes or the orgasmic bite of your favorite dessert, prioritize pleasurable activities that make you feel good and involve the five senses — touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound. It’s about feeling alive in your skin.
Get moving!
Exercise boosts your libido and confidence. The key is movement, whether it’s walking, fitness class, yoga or dance. Dance, in particular, is a powerful way to connect your body and mind. Let music help you find your rhythm and build your confidence.
Make a playdate with yourself
Set the scene with soft lighting and a sexy playlist. Touch yourself and discover areas that respond pleasurably. Use your whole body as a playground, not just your erogenous zones. Look at yourself naked and admire yourself. Talk to your body with appreciation. Sleep naked. Experiment and explore what feels good to you.
And yes, sex-ed is for you, too
Read erotica, explore women-made porn, or attend workshops. The more you know about all the ways to explore pleasure, the more you’ll glow. The more you have sex on your mind, the more you will be in the mood for it.
Communicate your desires
Before involving a partner, practice speaking your wants clearly and unapologetically to yourself. Your desires and fantasies are yours — honor them without shame and get comfortable expressing them. Start with small requests and work your way up. It gets easier with practice.
Sex is hotter when you’re 40+
Ladies, it's time to flip the script on midlife sexuality.
Instead of fading into the background, we’re just getting started.
Our confidence, earned through years of living fully, is the key to unlocking a world of sexual pleasure and intimacy that our younger selves could only imagine.
Gone are the days of fumbling in the dark, worried about cellulite or what our partner thinks of our O-face.
We've lived, we've learned, and we're ready to claim our pleasure without apology.
So the next time someone tries to tell you that your sexy days are behind you, flash them a knowing smile.
You’ve got a secret weapon in your arsenal — the unshakeable confidence of a woman who knows her worth, in and out of the bedroom.
Now go forth and enjoy the best sex of your life.
You've earned it. 🫦
